As I entered my adult years, my dad had a habit of offering up the phrase, “If I were you I’d…” The words that completed the phrase were his unsolicited advice. He’d tell my sisters, or me, what we should do given a certain situation.
“If I were you I’d save the money until you can pay cash for the vacation that you’re planning.”
“If I were you I’d wait until the (insert item) goes on sale.”
“If I were you I’d think twice before doing that.”
He offered up his advice to help us. He wasn’t trying to control our lives, but he wanted to make sure that we considered all of our options (or at least the options that he’d consider) before taking action. He was looking out for our well-being without telling us what to do. “If I were you I’d …” was a softer approach.
Over the years I sometimes followed, but mostly dismissed, his advice. The one big takeaway for me was when he said, “I don’t care what you decide to do, but whatever it is, do your best. If you want to dig ditches, dig the best ones.” He truly meant that.
Most of the time I chose to watch his actions rather than heed his words. What he did was more important to me than what he told me to do. By observing I learned many things but among the most important were to…
- Provide for my wife and children.
- Work hard.
- Share.
- Take turns.
- Have fun.
- Be kind to all children.
I know that I took away more than those six items, but those come to mind as I write this today.
My version of “If I were you I’d…” sounds like “I don’t know anything about … but have you ever considered …?” I’m very sure that I offered up the occasional “What the he## are you thinking?”, but I try not to. I do think that I’ve done a better job of avoiding “What the …?”, since the kids have started families of their own.
Advice is a tricky thing. While I expect that most of it is well intended, it’s not always well received. Telling is a lot easier than doing. I think that the best advice I ever received was simply, “Do the right thing.” The challenge is to determine what the “right thing” is before you take action. “Be kind.”, is probably always the “right thing to do.”
A couple of months ago, shortly before Ruth and I headed south, and shortly after my friend Jim passed, my granddaughter, Eva, and Ruth were discussing a challenge that Eva had experienced. The discussion turned to “being kind” and doing the “right thing”. Out of the blue Eva offered up this observation, “Jim would never be unkind.” Jim never spoke to her about kindness but Eva always watched.
As I enter a new year I do so knowing that I have received good advice from two important men and doing the right thing is always the best thing. I also know that their lessons are as important to my granddaughter’s generation as they are to mine.