I saw this cartoon the other day and loved it. It reminded me of my youth, my kids, and my grandkids. Snow’s a lot of fun when you’re young. I never took the family card table to build a fort. My kids never took one either, but my grandkids may have. The kids on Edgeworth where I grew up piled up discarded Christmas trees to make “forts”. When used trees were unavailable we rolled huge snow balls and stacked them up. We never swiped the family card table, but we did make use of the occasional saw horse and a scrap piece of plywood. Generations change. Opportunities present themselves that cannot be ignored. In any case, I like the cartoon.
The day the cartoon appeared in the local newspaper, we had a new dining room table delivered. We purchased it in November, but it was back ordered and arrived late a couple of nights ago. The table top had to be fastened to the legs. The delivery crew did all of the required work. As they were working Ruth asked me to tell them the story of a table that I once assembled. It goes like this.
Thirty or more years ago, Ruth decided that we needed a new dinner table. She wanted a “new look”. The old look worked fine for me, but I’m not the design expert. She is. We bought our first table, an antique ash with five leaves, after we first married. We also purchased six antique straight backed wooden chairs. After about a dozen years, she decided that it was “time for a change”.
We didn’t rush to make the purchase. It happened over several months. Whenever we were near a furniture store, we’d stop in to peruse what “new looks” might be available. During one of our trips to visit her sister in Grand Rapids she found our new table. It was solid oak, round, with a single leaf that would accommodate of family of five.
We also purchased six sled based chairs. Two had arms and the remaining four didn’t. It was a very nice set, and although I don’t recall the actual price, it was one of the more substantial furniture investments that we had made to date. We found it in a boutique furniture store that custom made each table after it was purchased.
We made the order, paid for half of it up front, and would make the final payment when it was delivered. The store was about two hours from our home, but the purchase included a delivery charge. There was no firm date, but we were told that it would be “about four weeks” before the set would be delivered.
The weeks passed and we received a call saying that they would be delivering in our area in a couple of days. Ruth was working in Adrian and I was in Addison. The day they planned to deliver, Ruth had an after school staff meeting so she would get home late. I made sure that I was there to take delivery and make final payment.
Everything went according to plan. The two delivery men arrived as they said they would. I wrote the final check as they were bringing the six chairs and table into the house. After everything was unloaded I noted that the table came in three parts. There was the table top, a single leaf, and the pedestal bottom. It was clear that assembly was required.
“We don’t assemble anything. We just deliver. All you have to do is screw four bolts from the pedestal into the top. The holes are pre-drilled to help with alignment.”
I looked and they were. It seemed straightforward.
Almost immediately after they left, there was a knock on the door. “Sorry sir. We forgot to give you the bolts. They were sitting in a bag on the dash.” The guy handed me a clear, zip lock bag with four lag bolts and was on his way.
I decided to move forward with the assembly so that everything would be ready when Ruth arrived. I got my socket wrench set, placed the table top on the living room floor, flipped the pedestal into place, dropped the four lag bolts into the four pre-drilled pilot holes, and tightened the bolts. I made sure that everything was secure before I attempted to flip the table into place. I knew it would be heavy, but I wanted it to be upright when Ruth arrived.
I took a firm hold and attempted to pick up the table. It wouldn’t move. It was immediately clear that I had screwed the table to the floor. Up until that moment, the most excited I had ever been was the day that I got married and during the birth of each of our three children. This was excited day number five.
I panicked. My heart started pumping and sweat formed on my brow. I grabbed the wrench and backed the bolts out. I hoped that it I acted fast enough the holes I expected to see would somehow heal themselves. They didn’t.
I had socket wrenched the bolts entirely through the table into the carpeted floor below. Miraculously the carpet looked fine. It was a shag and the holes were invisible.
I grabbed the receipt, called the “if you have any questions or concerns” number , and was told that, “we’ll speak to the deliverymen and get back to you.” It didn’t take long for them to return my call. The guys in the truck had grabbed the “wrong” bag of lag bolts from the dash. They discovered their error during their next delivery when the bolts were “too short”.
The company made us a new top, delivered it four weeks later, and picked up the holey top. We survived the mistake and used that table for several years. We replaced it when Ruth decided that we needed a “new look”, and I made sure that assembly was not required.