I’ve had the opportunity to offer up several “toasts” at a dinner. My first took place when I was eighteen. I was the best man at my cousin, Gene’s, wedding. Another followed when I was about to turn twenty-two and served as best man for my friend, Mitch. I was in my late forties when I last served that role. I’ve hosted dozens of social gatherings, offering up welcomes and words of wisdom, but the three toughest were at the rehearsal dinners for each of my children.
David and Lindsay got married in Lindsay’s parent’s yard. It was a beautiful August Day in 2004. The reception was held at Jackson Community College. About a hundred of their closest friends and family attended the wedding, and more than three hundred made the reception. It was a big bash.
The rehearsal dinner was held the night before at Clark Lake’s Beach Bar. The event was very informal. When I started to speak, I said,
“I have the reputation of being something of a hard ass. The truth is, I’m more like an M and M candy on a hot July day. Thin, hard, outer shell and mush on the inside.”
I cried before I started speaking and did so throughout my entire toast. I did my best to control my emotions but my oldest child, first born son, was getting married, and I just lost it. I had warned Ruth ahead of time to, “Just let me go on my own. I know I’m going to cry, but I want to get through this without your support.” She had, and still has, a habit of trying to draw attention to herself by offering up some funny quip which allows me time to gather myself. I wanted to fly solo even if that meant sobbing while I did it.
As our kids were growing up, Ruth often spoke to them about the choices we make in life, and how each of them impacts us. Some are good and some are bad. I went on to speak about the choices that we all face. I explained that my most important choice was marrying Ruth because that choice led to the birth of our three children. I spoke of how proud I was of each of them, and the unique paths that each of them had chosen. My final remarks focused on the about to be married Lindsay and David.
We raised our glasses to the couple and they have been living a full life ever since. They are a great duo, raising two wonderful children, and making it through both good and challenging times as one.
Mike and Kate had a destination wedding on the big island of Hawaii. They were married on the beach on the afternoon of October 2, 2009. Kate scheduled the time of the ceremony so that wedding pictures would coincide with the setting sun. It was beautiful.
It was terribly windy that day. Folding chairs were thrown about, ladies held down their dresses, and everyone marveled at how constant the strength of the wind remained. The minister offered up an explanation of the wind when she said, “The wind is the souls of those who have passed before us. They are arriving at the wedding.” If that is indeed the case, we had hundreds of uninvited, but welcome, guests.
The prior evening the wedding party, and our extended family members, gathered at our condo. We cooked food on the patio, played games in the house, and shared a grand time. When it came time to offer up a toast, I spoke once again, and cried through most of it.
I spoke of the relationship between Ruth and our grandson, Brady, who was five at the time. Ruth, Brady, and his sister, Eva had gone on several ice cream taste tests throughout the prior summer. Ruth often commented that she thought, “The best bite of an ice cream cone is the last one.” One day, as the summer was drawing to a close, Brady handed Ruth the last bite of his cone.
When she asked, “Why are you giving this to me?” His reply was simple, but heartfelt. “Because I love you, Nana.”
I concluded my toast with “True love is sharing everything, even the things that you’d like to save for yourself.”
Six months later we gathered again for the wedding of my only daughter, Elizabeth. She and her husband, Sutton, celebrated their tenth anniversary a couple of days ago on April 3rd.
They were married in San Diego overlooking the Pacific Ocean. Although they lived there, this was another destination wedding for most of the attendees.
Like the prior two weddings, the rehearsal dinner was held the night before. We gathered at a house that Sutton’s dad had rented for the week-end. It sat directly across the street from the wedding site. It featured the final of the three toasts that I offered up for my children. Lindsay and Kate placed bets on how long it would be before I started to cry. The over/under was five seconds. If you took the under, you won.
The more I spoke, the more I was able to compose myself. I started off by saying something like, “I’ve never like any of the guys that Elizabeth dated. I saw them all as needy. She majored in psychology and has the skill set to help fix people, but I didn’t want her choosing a mate that needed help. Each of the guys I met had a flaw that needed to be fixed.”
About that time Sutton’s grandmother spoke up and said, “Sutton doesn’t need to be fixed.”
I replied as quickly as she spoke, “But that’s not the point. The point is, she doesn’t think he needs to be fixed. She loves him just the way he is and that’s good enough for me.”
So here we are, fifteen plus years since the first of the three toasts. Our family of five has grown to ten. My greatest joy is that everyone likes everyone. It’s one thing to love someone, but an entirely different thing to like them. I like and love them all.