No

I sat behind Sheri Z. during my high school senior year History of Religion class. .  Sheri and I talked everyday. I thought she was one of the prettiest girls in school. She was soft spoken with beautiful eyes.  Through our conversations, I learned she was nice too.  I thought she was special, too special for a mug like me, so I never asked her out on a date.

Throughout the final couple weeks prior to graduation, many of our classmates exchanged senior pictures and wrote in each other’s yearbooks.  We signed the back of our pictures and often left a note.  On the last day of school, Sheri asked for one of my pictures, and I made the same request of her.  We exchanged our signed photos as we left class.  I read hers as I sat down for my next one.  While I don’t recall her exact words, I was stunned when I read the picture.  She thought I was a “cute guy”, and it was “too bad” we never took the opportunity to go out on a date.

I never gave her the chance to say “yes”, because I feared the word “no”.  I followed that same path at school dances because I didn’t think I could dance well enough.  I knew I could dance slow, but feared others would laugh when I danced fast.  I found out on our senior trip that I was good at both.  I passed up several opportunities because of fear of rejection.

I took more chances in college, and as a result, had more fun and made connections that have lasted throughout my life. I served as a volunteer for a number of endeavors, joined a fraternity, and became the President of the Student Union during my senior year.  I dated a number of girls but took a deep breath before each ask.  I received more “yeses” than “noes”, but I wouldn’t had any “yeses” if I hadn’t made the ask.

Throughout the rest of my life, I’ve remained cautious, especially after Ruth and I started our family. I had more to consider than just me. I’ve thought things through before making a move.  In the work world I’ve had no trouble asking for things for others…increased pay scales, bond issues for school expansion, increases in operational funds, staff expansion, new opportunities for students, and on and on.  More than once my requests were rejected, but the joy of a “yes” outweighed my fear of a “no”.

In my post school years, I’ve operated a program providing opportunities for students, and teachers, to work with businesses seeking unique answers to complex issues.  I’ve spoken with hundreds of students, scores of teachers, and dozens of businesses.  I hear a lot of “noes” during my recruitment.  Often I hear a “maybe”.  I’ve learned to hate maybes.   Maybes are indecisive and keep you hanging.  They provide “hope”, but more often than not, end as a “no”.  I’d prefer you just pull off the band aid and give it to me straight.  Give me the “no” right away, so I can get on to the business of looking for a “yes”.

Life is a series of moments strung together to tell one’s story. There are highs and lows, moments of joy and disappointment.  While I prefer a “yes”, I’ve learned “no” is the second best answer.  Knowing the answer, even if it’s “no”, is a good thing.