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Ruth and I are in Las Vegas, Nevada. We made our first trip together on September 11, 1971. I wrote and posted the blog below in the fall of 2017. It’s a recounting of how we met and married. The next few blogs will be an edited version of the original six installments.
We’ve known each other for fifty-two years, and been married for fifty. We’re not the same two people. We, like all couples who stay together this long, have had our share of joys and sorrows. Many of the people who helped us early on are gone. We miss them.
We agree our most important accomplishment is seeing our three children, David, Elizabeth, and Michael grow to be happy and successful. That’s what parents want. We’re lucky we have them, their spouses, Lindsay, Sutton, Kate, and now three grandchildren, Brady, Eva and Jackson. We love them all.
I met Ruth in the fall of 1969. We were both first year teachers at Plainwell Junior High in Plainwell, Michigan. I didn’t like her when we first met. I thought she was too brash for a first year teacher.
There were five newbies at the junior high that year – Ruth, Dave, Rick, Dorothy, and me. Tony was new to the staff too but had taught there in the past. Grandville was the new band instructor but had been the high school principal the year before. Ruth walked around like she owned the place. That was too much for me. I found out a few days after our first meeting that she graduated from Plainwell and had most of the staff as teachers herself just a few years prior. After this revelation my first cool impression of her began to thaw.
Ruth and I went on our first official date on Valentine’s Day in 1970. It was a staff party for the junior high and the beginning of our relationship. We were both dating others and exclusivity was not in the cards for several months. We saw more and more of each other, but there were always others in the mix. I believe her mix was larger than mine. There was one girl other than Ruth I dated more frequently, but others dropped in from time to time.
Sometime in late 1970, or early 1971, Ruth started talking about marriage. (At least that’s the way I remember it.) I was not in that place, so the talk led nowhere. I was narrowing my focus to her, but I wasn’t ready to “tie the knot”.
In the spring of 1971 we both bought new cars. I traded my 1967 Mustang convertible for a 1971 Ford Torino. (One of the biggest mistakes of my life.) Ruth traded her 1963 Volkswagen for a 1971 Ford Pinto. While we both selected Ford products, we bought them from different dealers. The new car purchases brought about a series of changes that altered our lives forever.
Ruth bought her car from Mike who was interested in Ruth for more than just selling a car. They started dating, we stopped, and they became engaged during that summer.
After returning to work in the fall, I stopped in to Ruth’s room on Friday after school. Several students from the prior school year had returned from high school to visit Ruth too. The students, Ruth, and I shared a lot of stories. Ready to move on for the week-end, I told Ruth I planned to make a stop on the way home. Ruth said she might make the same stop. We had both tired of the conversation with the students and this was a way to move on. The stop was the Hi-Lo, a small neighborhood bar.
We had stopped on other Friday afternoons over the past couple of years but always with other teachers looking to wind down from the week’s work. This was the first Friday of our third year of teaching and my final Friday as a single man.
Our stop at the Hi-Lo was eventful. We were more engrossed in the conversation than the drinking or the sparse afternoon crowd. We continued our reminiscing that began with the students, and Ruth reviewed the details of her sister’s wedding the month before. I knew her sister, Kathy, and her new husband, Tim. The wedding review and continued conversation led to tears. She ran off to the bathroom to compose herself.
When she returned, so did the tears. When I asked her why she was crying she said, “I don’t want to marry Mike.”
Looking back, my reply could have taken several different turns. I could have said, “Why not.”, or “That’s too bad.” or “I never thought that you should marry a car salesman whose greatest claim to fame was selling a garbage truck with a large commission.” But I didn’t. As quickly as she said, “I don’t want to marry Mike.” I fired back, “How about me?” The tears stopped instantly.
My proposal wasn’t very flashy, but it was sincere. I hadn’t rehearsed it, but I had given it some thought. Not at that moment but over the time we weren’t together. I had passed on the opportunity several months prior by “not being ready”, so this time was more like … “Ready or not, here I come.”
I don’t remember Ruth’s exact words but her reply sounded something like, “When?” Followed by my, “I don’t care when. Whenever you want.” Then Ruth’s, “Well, if we’re going to do this, let’s do it right away.” The conversation moved along very quickly. I think our decision to seize the moment ensured we’d follow through. Mike was Ruth’s third engagement. I had been engaged once myself. We weren’t good at being engaged.
We left the Hi-Lo with no concrete plan other than to figure out how we could get married as soon as possible. We took my car and left hers behind. As we drove, we talked. We were going to find out how, when, and where we could elope. It wasn’t an elaborate plan, but it was deliberate. (Funny what details you remember at a time like this. I remember, very clearly, she was wearing a collared t-shirt dress with lime green, navy blue and white stripes. And it was short.)
TBC