The Five Second Rule

The five-second rule is a food hygiene myth that states a defined time window where it is safe to pick up food after it has been dropped and thus exposed to contamination.  There appears to be no scientific consensus on the general applicability of the rule.

I’ve been a proponent of the five second rule for much of my life.  I’ve adopted some key principles to guide me.  They are open for individual interpretation and implementation.  Mine are as follows:

1.  While preparing food, if it’s something you like, feel free to pick it up and eat it.
2. No brainers include all types of snack foods: chips, popcorn, candy, cookies, etc.
3. Be cautious when retrieving cakes and pies. Watch for possible splatter, especially with pies.
4. Anything that bounces upon impact should be considered salvageable.
5. Beverage retrieval is forebitten.  Accept the loss.
6. The lone exception to guideline five is a root beer float.  The ice cream, if still in a somewhat solid blob, may be retrieved and eaten.
7. Ice cream in general may be retrieved, however, it must be gathered in one continuous motion and consumed immediately.
8. Fresh fruits and vegetables may be picked up and eaten.  A quick rinse in water is optional.
9. Cooked fruits and vegetables should be discarded with the following exceptions:  Baked potatoes (rinse when appropriate), the top portion of a blob of mashed potatoes (do NOT rinse), selected tater tots and French fries.
10.  Meat should ALWAYS be saved.  Some may be rinsed, but most cuts just need another few seconds in the frying pan, oven, or grill.  Heat will burn away any contamination.
11. If you find jelly beans, M and M’s, or malted milk balls under the stove or refrigerator during your annual spring cleaning, you’re good to go.  If there is a dust bunny attached, rinse before consuming.
12. If you find jelly beans and marshmallow eggs in the same condo that you rented last Easter, take a pass, even if you’re positive you placed them there.

I believe the five second rule may have been founded by Ruth’s mother, Kate.  When Ruth was around six, she didn’t care for the ice cream cone her mom had given her, so she turned the cone upside down, dumping the ice cream on the freshly mowed grass.  Kate picked up the ice cream, pulled off several blades of grass, and returned it to the top of the cone.  Not one to be easily swayed, Ruth turned the cone and dropped the ice cream in a pile of sand.  Once again, Kate started to scrape the sand from the ice cream for the cone, but was interrupted when Ruth’s dad, Lou, appeared in the front window.  He waved her into the house for what turned out to be her one and only spanking.

I pondered the rule last Wednesday when I carved the turkey breast Ruth cooked for Thanksgiving guests.  She prepared most of the food on Wednesday. I was in charge of moral support, the vacuum, and carving.  I carved the first half without incident.  As I proceeded to place the turkey slices on a platter, the uncarved half rolled off the cutting board and onto the floor.  Splat.

I snatched the turkey from the floor, shook off any remnants of floor debris, and continued carving.  (See guidelines four and ten.) When I finished, I placed the portion of the turkey that hit the floor in the bottom of the pan.  When Ruth cooked, and I carved, a second turkey breast on Thanksgiving Day, the freshest cuts buried the five second rule slices.  No one knew any better.

It’s been a couple of days since we ate the turkey, and we’ve received no notice of illness from our guests.  The five second rule lives on.