My parents took a trip to Hawaii while I was working in Addison. I’m not sure of the year, but they left in the fall. I was at a conference in Dearborn just prior to the trip, so I stopped in one evening to see them. They were excited, shared some minimal trip details, and told me they had recently taken steps towards planning for their funerals. I remember thanking them.
As the oldest child, and only son, I assumed the duties associated with each of their deaths would pass on to me. They confirmed that was true. They also explained they’d purchased burial plots in Mt. Clemens near where our extended family planned to be buried. They had pre-paid some of the expenses at the funeral home of their choice. They’d purchased the burial vaults, pre-paid for the opening and closing of their graves and ordered and paid for their headstones. All that was left was filling in the dates. It was a difficult conversation, but I knew one day I’d be happy they planned ahead.
Dad passed in 1999, and Mom in 2014. Saying good-bye was a bit easier because of their plans. My sisters and I could focus on saying good-bye rather than addressing the business issues associated with dying. There were still things that needed to be done, and some of their pre-planning had changed, but their foresight helped the three of us.
Ruth and I saw how Mom’s life changed when dad passed. Mom had fewer resources because his income left with Dad. Ruth and I made a series of decisions regarding our finances based upon what we saw. We wanted things to go as smoothly as possible when our own times came.
We made joint decisions regarding our social security and retirement benefits. Each were made with an eye on making things easier for the other when our time came. Over time we set up a trust to aid with the passing of property and three years ago we paid for our own cremations.
When I made those final arrangements, our funeral director said, “The first call you make should be to me.” I’ll make all the arrangements, so this goes as smoothly as possible. I told Ruth of our conversation, said “Call this number first when I’m gone”, and I put his business card in my wallet.
His number was the first I called after the two State Police officers left our condo the night of September 27. He helped me and the kids through the next several days. While there was nothing to do that first night, he was ready to help us through the steps that followed.
I’ve been processing through all the things that need to be done. There have been no surprises. What I thought would happen has happened.
I share this hoping it may help you when someone you love passes. We’re all going to have that moment. There’s no preparing for the shock, or grief, that follows. That’s what happens when you love someone. You can, however, make things a bit easier for those left behind by planning for the business side of dying.