The golf rules listed below are not mine. I’m not clever enough to have compiled them. I have made reference to a golf instruction book I hope to write. I don’t have a title, but I do have a couple of chapters in mind. Most of the titles pop up out of nowhere while playing eighteen with friends. They include things like: How to Make Your Fifth Putt, How to Shank Your Driver on a Parr Three, and You Can Pick Up After Posting a 10.
I found these rules on Facebook.
The AARP has negotiated with the USGA to modify the Rules of Golf for seniors.
Rule 2.c.4
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough shall be lifted and placed on the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. The senior should not be penalized for tall grass which grounds keepers failed to mow.
Rule 2.d.6
A ball hitting a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.
Rule 3.b.3(g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball. The missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The player is not to compound the crime by charging himself with a penalty.
Rule 4.c.7(h)
If a putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The law of gravity supersedes the Rules of Golf.
Rule 5.
Putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.
Rule 6.a.9(k)
There is no penalty for so-called “out of bounds.” If
penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.
Rule 7.g.15(z)
There is no penalty for a ball in a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturers’ shortcomings.
Rule 8.k.9(s)
Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by purchasing new golf equipment. Since this is financially difficult for many senior golfers, one-half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.
One of my friends suggested adding some new terminology to the game. Some of the phrases were inspired by a recent blog containing “colorful language”, while one is standard to our Friday foursome. I call “Bull$#!)” is the standard we’ve lived with for several seasons. “Tough rocks” and “tough titty said the kitty” will be introduced in the very near future. Both can be found in the Urban Dictionary under “sarcastic phrases”. I’ve been credited with creating them, but they were just things I picked up in my youth.
I hurt my hip while playing golf in early November. I tell people I “broke my butt” while overswinging. The doctor said I pulled my hamstring, and my glutes are too tight. If that’s true, it’s the only part of my body that’s too tight.
The glutes are actually a set of three muscles which make up the gluteal region commonly known as the buttocks: the gluteus maximus, gluteus medius, and gluteus minimus. I think I pulled all three so it’s just easier to say I broke my butt.
I need some levity from time to time, and my current golf game is indeed laughable.
Editor’s Note: Ruth may have vetoed a portion of this post as some of the language may have been too colorful for her. She’d use it. She just wouldn’t write it down.