The journal that Ruth kept the longest, began in February of 1979 and ended in May of 2000. She didn’t date every entry, but she did the first and last. As I’ve read it, I’ve nicknamed it her venting journal. In her final entry she wrote… “I should destroy this book or maybe in my retirement I’ll just rewrite and save the good parts – but not today.”
Her entry from February 6, 1985, is one I think she would have saved. Get out some tissues. You’re going to need them.
So much to do and so little time. Reached the end of my rope tonite and let the kids have it with both barrels just before bed. Not good timing as they all ended up crying. So, after gathering them all around, and apologizing, as I tuck Michael in he says, “Mom, I have nine pictures in my heart. They’re you, dad, grandma and grandpa, BZ, David, Buffy, Pooh and Toby. And you know why I have those pictures there? Because I love you.”
I love you too Michael – more than you’ll ever know. What wonderful sense you make sometimes. And you’re so open and honest. Even when I was yelling at all of you, after it was all over, you had the courage to tell me that it made you feel like not making my toast anymore. I must have sounded pretty ungrateful when I was ranting and raving about no one helping, especially you who makes my toast in the morning.
I must learn to be more patient. I’ll have plenty of time to live in a neat as a pin house when you’re all grown and gone. I’d better enjoy all of you now – that’s not always easy when there’s work and cleaning and laundry and bedtimes – but I’ll try. I don’t want you to remember your mom as an old nag.
They don’t.