Baby Steps

After Ruth’s accident I made a personal vow to take things slowly.  I wouldn’t make any big changes for at least a year. I’d seen others make changes too fast that they later regretted.  I didn’t want to put anyone through life altering events that we weren’t prepared to handle. Keeping both my Michigan and Florida homes was first on the list.  That remains the same.  The biggest thing I did was clean out her closets, however, I’ve saved some items in both.

I did make a few decorating adjustments in Michigan.  We hadn’t unpacked all of our belongings after we made the move two years ago, so I went through the rest of the boxes.  I found a few things I knew Ruth liked and put them on display.  I’m not a decorator, but I did the best I could.

I changed the bedding as I prepared to head south.  Ruth had five pillows on the bed, and I cut it down to two.  That was my big Michigan change and the first thing I did when I arrived in Florida. We each had two pillows, with a fifth to fight over, but those days are done.

I bought fresh flowers when I arrived in Florida.  She liked them, so my second big change will be to make sure I have them no matter where I live.  I should have bought them more often while she was still here.

We had a single live houseplant that we moved back and forth between our two homes, but last year I flew, so I asked a neighbor to plant sit for me.

We got the plant when our friend, Jim, passed and have nurtured it for the past five years.  It was a part of his memorial.  My plant sitting neighbor moved, so rather than seek help from my new one, I gave it to David to care for.  He already has at least two plants that we had at our Lake LeAnn home.  One of them, a split leaf philodendron, belonged to my mother-in-law.  She died over forty years ago, so I know he’ll take good care of Jim’s plant.

My biggest change took place last Wednesday.  I moved my wedding ring from my left hand to my right.  I Googled the proper thing for widowers to do and read an old copy of Emily Post’s etiquette books.  There’s no one right way to move forward, so I opted for the change of hands route.

Ruth and I bought two gold bands on Wednesday, September 15th, 1971, four days after we eloped.  We took them back to our apartment and put them on for the first time.  Her exact words to me were, “Don’t ever take this off.”  I honored her wishes as best I could.

Once, when David was in middle school, I dislocated my left-hand pinky finger while playing touch football with the kids in the vacant lot near our home.  As my hand swelled, I took the ring off out of fear that they might have to cut it off.  It sat on my dresser for about ten days, until my hand healed. I’ve worn it ever since.

Ruth, on the other hand, wore hers when it suited her.  She wore it most of the time during our early years together but opted for a ring she had fashioned from one of her mom’s diamond rings after she passed.  It was a beautiful statement piece and a tribute to her mom.  Somewhere along the way, she had the diamond engagement ring I bought for her on our first Christmas as a married couple, soldered to her wedding ring.  I think it was easier to wear one ring than two.

Funny thing about the change of hands.  When I woke up the past two mornings, the ring was on my left hand.  There are only two explanations for such a change.  I moved it while I slept, or Ruth did.  I plan to wear gloves to bed tonight to see how it goes.