About fourteen months ago I wrote about my friend, Obadiah Swift’s, Facebook Post. It featured two pictures of different approaches to overcoming life’s obstacles. Two men find themselves in a hole. One man sits in his hole and ponders his fate, while the second digs his way out. One step at a time.
I posted a poem by Portia Nelson with it. I said that I was stuck at stage three of the poem. I think I’ve made it to stage four. I sometimes find myself falling back into three but not every day. I still carry my grief but am able to keep moving forward even on the days I stumble. I’m adjusting from day to day.
An Autobiography in Five Chapters
by Portia Nelson
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I fall in….it’s a habit…but my eyes are open.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down a different street.
I’ve returned to Michigan for the summer with thoughts I might sell and move South full time. This house is so different than Florida. There’s more for me to do in Florida, but I’m surrounded by our fifty-one years together in Michigan. It’s tastefully displayed in every nook and cranny throughout the house. It’s a 3,800 square foot salute to our life together. We’ve got memories displayed in every room, the closets, our pantry, and even the garage.
I’m moving forward slowly. I’m here for a month, and then back to Florida for a couple of days, followed by fifteen days in Europe. That should give me ample time to ponder what’s next. The best part of being me is I can choose to do nothing. Ruth and I built a life together that included providing for our future.
I just didn’t know mine would be lived without her.
TBC
I think that the journey takes time. Move along however you want. There is no rush or expected road to take. Time will help you decide. In the meantime, enjoy your upcoming trips!
Blessings Bob!
I find it interesting how much I relate to the feelings in your stories. My spouse of 22 years did not pass away but we divorced a few days over a year ago now and I have come to learn through therapy that some losses feel similar. I planned a life walking beside him and find myself still adjusting to this new reality. Thank you for sharing the poem.