When my friend Jim, and a few months later my cousin Gene, died I sobbed. My whole body shook, and I couldn’t control myself. My granddaughter, Eva, took my hand to comfort me at Jim’s funeral, and Ruth gently rubbed my back at Gene’s. I was full of grief, and it just exploded.
Ruth’s death has affected me very differently. There was never an explosion, just a constant ache and an accompanying drip. I’ve been dripping for two years now and realize that it may continue forever. I can’t explain it. I just live it. I was an angry man for a while. The anger is gone but the grief remains.
While my thoughts of Jim and Gene appear at least weekly, it’s not every day. Ruth is there every day.
I lost my dad in 1999 and my mom in 2014. They were difficult times but much different than losing Jim, Gene and Ruth. My dad was seventy-nine and had been in poor health for a long time. My mom was approaching her 94th birthday. She told me more than once that she wondered why she lived so long. She followed the question with an answer of her own.
“God must have something more he wants me to do.”
If there’s some master plan, I don’t understand it. Ruth and Jim died in a moment. My mom, dad and Gene slipped a bit and were gone. There’s no good way to go but having a bit of time to gather your thoughts is better than getting slapped with a sudden loss. At least that’s what I believe.
Ruth will be gone two years on Friday. While I don’t believe in heaven and hell, I do believe there’s something after we’re gone. She’s popped into my life too frequently to just brush it off. I’m in no hurry to find out what’s next but I don’t think I have a say in the matter. While I can’t change the past, I can focus on the future and just be my best version of me. I’m sure Ruth will let me know if I wander off path.
Bob, I had similar reactions, my dad was sudden and I don’t remember crying at all. Jim was sudden and I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t like watching people slip and suffer. I would prefer the sudden death. I won’t try to change your mind on heaven and hell. But I would like to challenge you to read, Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. The first 4 books of the New Testament! You are always in my prayers friend!
We miss Ruth so much too!!! IWe are glad we have so many wonderful memories of our time with both of you and don’t want them to go away. Thinking of you and wishing we could ease your pain. Hope you shoulder replacement also goes well.