Like -Lust – Love 2.0

I originally wrote this tale seven years ago.  It was my Valentine’s Day post.  I’ve updated it a bit, and it’s a long read, but ponder your own experience as you read about mine.

My mom and grandmother once told me that I proposed to a girl during dinner.  I was three and Beverly was four.   I don’t believe my two elders ever lied to me so it must be true.  I don’t remember the proposal, but I do remember Beverly.  My Kentucky sweetheart didn’t accept, and that relationship never developed into anything more than friendship. I count her as my first official girlfriend even if it was a one-way attraction.

I believe that initial attraction was a form of “like”.   I was way too young to “lust” and didn’t really know enough about it to “love” someone yet.

Other than that initial crush on Beverly, I don’t think I really became attracted to girls until late elementary school.   Until then I thought that some were cute, funny or smart, but that was really all I noticed until we started square dancing in the fifth grade.   I discovered soft that year.  I “liked” soft.  I don’t mean boobs soft as most girls hadn’t developed by then.  I mean hands soft.  The big take away for me and square dancing was that you got to hold hands and put your arms around your partner.  Until then I had only held hands with one of my sisters and that was because of safety issues while crossing the street.

The first mixed birthday party that I ever was invited to took place in the fifth grade too.   Diane P. had a party in her basement and if her mother was around, I don’t recall seeing her.  What I remember most about that party is Diane P. and Diane S. were both there. I thought they were cute, and I had a crush on both of them.  

The best part of the party was being introduced to a new game – spin the bottle.  I wasn’t familiar with it, but I was a quick and enthusiastic learner.   If you’re old enough to read this, you’ve probably heard of the game.  As a reminder for those who may need a refresher – it involves spinning a bottle and kissing.   Every time I spun the bottle; I was rooting for it to stop at one of the Dianes.  Every time that one of them was spinning, I was rooting for me.  I found lips to be soft too.  I expect that this might be my introduction to “lust”.

I’ve attended two of my high school graduation reunions.   I found our tenth reunion to be uneventful. Many of my classmates had changed physically but personality wise they remained the same.  Some of them had lost their hair (guys), become prettier (girls) or gotten fatter (both).  People who thought of themselves as being cool, still thought so.   My friends from ten years prior had remained my friends.  I stilled “liked” who I liked and didn’t find any new “lusts” among the group.

Twenty was a different story.  Early in the evening, Mitch, Rick, and I were standing shoulder to shoulder looking at the crowd of classmates and reminiscing about past events when Holly approached the three of us. Holly was one of the most beautiful girls in our class.  She said hello and unexpectedly kissed each one of us.  Mitch and I were happily surprised, but Rick was even more so.

After Holly kissed Rick, he released a brief sigh and said very clearly, “I’ve been dreaming of this day for the past twenty years.”  That’s “lust”.

A few minutes later I noticed a gorgeous girl that I thought must be the wife of one of my lucky classmates.  Our eyes met and she said, “Rob, it’s me. I’m Shelly.”

“No, you’re not!” sprang from my lips.  “And if you are, I’m voting you most improved.”

I had gone to elementary school through high school with Shelly.  We were friends but not extremely close.  Now in the time it took me to say, “I’m voting you most improved.” I found myself “lusting” after this Cuban beauty.

That quickly passed as I saw my wife, Ruth, approaching.  That moment of Cuban passion flew out as quickly as it flew in.

“Love” is a whole different emotion.  I had early loves in my life but every one of them started off as “like” or “lust”.  Mostly “like”.   The “lust” part of my life began when I discovered softness in the fifth grade.  In my experience, “like” tends to be built upon personality while “lust” is centered upon physical attraction.

There are several types of “love”.   Puppy love, unrequited love, forbidden love and forever love are a few examples.

Puppy love is the type of love you feel in grade school.  You think that a certain girl is cute and the next thing you know, you’re going together.   Except you never really go anywhere.   And though there was never any travel involved; I attended a couple of weddings on the playground of Lincoln Elementary.

Unrequited love occurs when one person is in love with someone, but that someone doesn’t feel the same.  Helen B. kissed me one day prior to the opening of school.   She was in the first grade, and I was in the fifth.  I pushed her down when she kissed me.  (That was the only time that I was sent to the principal during my entire school career.)  My rejection of Helen’s attention is an example of unrequited love.

Forbidden love has of number of connotations.  Because I don’t wish to explore distasteful topics, let’s just say – “Thou shalt not covet.”

Forever love is the “till death do us part” kind.   Some people find this early in their life and some are still searching.  It’s the kind that everyone seeks.  If you are truly lucky in love, you find a partner that you like – lust – and love all in one package.   That’s the forever kind.

And there you have it.  That’s what I wrote several years ago, and I still feel the same.  My forever love is gone, and so are my friends Mitch and Rick.  Holly lives somewhere in The Villages, but we haven’t seen each other.  I’m happy to just hold that memory from forty years ago.

I’m open to meeting someone new. I’ve been out a few times with a few different women.  Each encounter began with a drink or a cup of coffee. Most were one and done. Some like me more than I like them and vice-versa.  That’s life.

I do know that I smile more today than yesterday.  I hope to smile more tomorrow.  In my new life I’m focused on “liking”.  “Lust” and “love can come later.

Happy Valentine’s Day.