It’s By Choice

Tuesday is the six-month anniversary of my new shoulder. If you’ve been reading my posts, you’ll recall that my three kids came down, one at a time, to spend a week with me during the end of September and the first part of October. Since David came first, he and I went golfing one last time with my old shoulder. I don’t recall what I shot, but I know I had a good time. I’ve always enjoyed playing with my kids.

I resumed my golfing routine about five weeks ago. I play the executive courses once or twice a week and eighteen on Fridays with the boys. I shot eighty-eight last Friday from the white tees. That’s one set back from the tees I’ve played for the past three years, so I’m doing well. Statistically only twenty-six percent of golfers break ninety on a regular basis. My goal is to rejoin them. I’ve taken my first step.

Eating better and exercising is paying off. I’ve lost some weight, gained some muscle and I’ve started to build a pile of clothes that don’t fit anymore. I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m locked in on moving forward. I’ve broken up with Marie Callendar. She’s a tasty morsel but she’s got a devilish side that could lead down a path of destruction. We are officially done.

I spent seven weeks in a sling and focused much of my time on recording my audiobook. I’ve started listening to my own advice and it’s helping me move forward with a lot of things. Exercise, eating habits, and my social life are my biggest moves. I’ve joined a couple of activities for single people in The Villages, and as a result, I’ve made several single friends. Everyone is looking for the same thing. More friends. Being alone is the common denominator. Some want to get married, some don’t. No one wants to live the rest of their days alone. They want to hang out with someone even if it’s only a few hours a week.

I took note today that my last several stories fall into my “current events” category. I haven’t had a run like that in over two years. And it’s no coincidence that next Thursday will be two and a half years since Ruth’s accident.

My sister, Jackie, gave me a book of poetry about loss shortly after Ruth passed. It’s called Loss and it’s written by Donna Ashworth. I’ve never met Donna, but she offers some kind words. I was particularly struck by these.

There’s one very troubling thing with last times.

They don’t announce when they are here

They do not warn you there’s no fear

So treat each living minute as a last time.

I didn’t do that when I was a young man. Now that I’m older, and losing my peers, I’m more aware of loss. It’s a bitch. I want all of us to live happily ever after, especially the people I love. It just doesn’t work out that way.

Jackie gave me a second book about a year ago. It’s called Eight Dates and it’s written by John Gottman. I wrote about John a few months ago. He’s the guy that developed the six second kiss concept.

I haven’t read the book, but I’m going to. Each chapter of John’s book provides a guideline for eight dates.

Date 1 – Lean On Me

Date 2 – Agree to Disagree

Date 3 – Let’s Get It On

Date 4 – The Cost of Love

Date 5 – Room to Grow

Date 6 – Play With Me

Date 7 – Something to Believe In

Date 8 – A Lifetime of Love

The book’s Appendix offers up thirty-six questions to talk about during a date. If you add those to the guidelines for the first eight, you’ve got fodder for forty-four in depth conversations. That’s a bunch.

If I decide to give it a go, I’ll let you know how it turns out. If you already have someone you love, it may provide some interesting moments so you may want to give it a run.

When our kids were growing up, Ruth often reminded them that they all had “choices”. They knew what she was going to say before she said it. They didn’t always like hearing her words, but I know they miss them now. I think Ruth may have had a hand in writing the back of the Eight Dates book jacket.

It says: “Happily ever after” is not by chance. It’s by choice.