I’ve started reading the Eight Dates book that my sister Jackie bought for me. It’s written by John Gottman and his wife Julie Swartz Gottman. I’ve written a bit about the book before. Since my last post, I’ve been told that it’s most meaningful if it’s read with a potential partner. It doesn’t differentiate between a girl and guy, two girls, or two guys. The guidance has universal applications.
I think Jackie bought the book because of a review she’d heard on the radio. Her intentions were kind, but perhaps a bit mischievous. She’s got a devilish side to her demeanor. I think she enjoyed the titles of the eight chapters.
Date One: Lean On Me
Date Two: Agree to Disagree
Date Three: Let’s Get It On
Date Four: The Cost of Love
Date Five: Room To Grow
Date Six: Play With Me
Date Seven: Something To Believe In
Date Eight: A Lifetime of Love
If you’ve had a partner for any length of time, you’ve had discussions around topics like these. If you haven’t spoken about them, you may need a different partner. Conversations around such topics can provide depth to a relationship. Learning about one another’s likes and dislikes helps you get along or learn that you should move on.
Most of my relationships with females, particularly those in my youth, began on one of two paths. Like or lust. I met a girl, liked her, and wanted to be with her more often. OR I saw a girl that I thought was attractive and I wanted to get to know her. Either path required a conversation. The more we talked, the more we learned. Sometimes what I learned told me to move on, so I did. In the end I learned that I wanted both like and lust. The combo led to love.
With Ruth, like came first. We spent a lot of time car-pooling together during our first year of teaching. and we talked a ton during those drives. We went on our first date six months after we met. After we started dating, we didn’t have to wait another six before lust set in. And although we didn’t have the Eight Dates book to guide us, we discussed all those topics.
Near the end of the book there’s a passage that reads: Your relationship is a great adventure. Treat it as such. Be curious. Be vulnerable. Be willing to venture outside of your comfort zone. Learn to listen. Be brave enough to talk. Share your hopes, your fears, and your dreams.
I think the passage offers wonderful advice for each of us and I’m using it as I move forward.