Face to Face

I’ve shared a lot of meals with a lot of people and through the process determined that I prefer eating at a round table vs a square or rectangular one. When our kids were growing up, we had an antique ash table that Ruth and I bought when we first got married. We bought it from a dealer that sold us several pieces during our first couple of years together.

Later, we bought a new, modern styled oak table with six matching chairs. The chairs had a sled base which made them easy to slide on our carpeted dining area. We didn’t buy the set until the kids were a bit older because the chairs had fabric seats. Spillage wasn’t a big concern. Those two tables were round until we added a table leaf.

Round tables helped with the flow of conversations we held when we ate. We did our best to eat as a family.  As the kids became more involved in after school activities, that became more of a challenge, but we always tried to share the evening meal. Our conversations provided us with an opportunity to discuss the day’s events and keep tabs on one another.

I liked to watch the expression on their faces when we spoke. Their faces helped tip me off to exaggerated tales.  David and Michael were prone to embellishment.  Elizabeth was more matter of fact.  They all had their issues from time to time, but most conversations were very enjoyable.  We talked about topics that Ruth and I wouldn’t have discussed with our own parents.  Most centered on the news of the day but there were the occasional advice issues.  We sought theirs as often as the kids sought ours.  I loved all of our conversations, even the difficult ones.

The three left our table one at a time.  David was first.  He spent a year at Western Michigan before transferring to Spring Arbor to run track and play basketball. Elizabeth left two years later.  She, too, chose Western and stayed her entire four years there.  Michael was last to leave. He followed in his mom’s footsteps and went to Michigan State.

As each chair emptied the conversations changed too.  We spoke about the absentees as well as current events.  With fewer participants, the length of the conversations diminished.  Their importance didn’t change, but fewer words were spoken.  And then one day there was just the two of us.  We shared a table as a couple for our first four years and twenty-one years later found ourselves sitting across from one another again.

When we went out to eat, I noted that some couples sat side by side rather than face to face.  I’d probably seen such arrangements a million times before, but I didn’t take note of the situation.  I didn’t comment on it, but wondered, privately, why they made that choice.  Perhaps they were keeping watch on others as they entered the space, they might have been holding hands beneath the table or maybe they were too engrossed in their personal thoughts to hold a conversation.

I chose to sit across from Ruth so I could see her face while we spoke.  Sometimes her eyes, her smile, or the purse of her lips, said more than her words.  I looked forward to each exchange.

I still feel the same and choose to sit face to face with my dining companions.  I want to see expressions no matter what may unfold.  Eyes sometimes reveal what lips don’t say.  In any case, I’d like to know it all.  The laughs, the tears, and the preview of coming attractions.

My face-to-face approach can take place no matter what the shape of the table may be.  It’s more about intent than geometry. I’d like to see and hear it all.