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Fifty-four years ago, I was a single man with no plans for the weekend.  By the end of the day, I was getting married. Ruth and I were engaged for about twenty hours. We eloped to Las Vegas on September 11th and spent the next fifty-one years and sixteen days raising a family.  Like most couples married that long, we had our share of highs and lows but more highs than lows. Celebrating the birth of three children and, later, three grandchildren, made the lows seem like little bumps in the road.

It’s been almost three years since Ruth’s accident.  At the time, anyone who had experienced a similar loss told me things would get easier as time passed. Time was the key to getting a handle on my life.  I listened and assumed they were sharing their thoughts to provide me with hope for a better day.  For several months I wished they were right but saw no light in the distance.  I had darkness and my memories.  I believed, and still do, that those who loved Ruth were experiencing their own struggle with grief.

Through the process I’ve learned that we each handle the challenge in our own way.  At first, I thought that maintaining the course we had set as a couple was the one I should continue as a single man. I did that for over two years.  The only thing I maintained was my sorrow.

My writing following Ruth’s death focused on my new life and how I was feeling. I was always sad and often mad. That got me nowhere. I was on a downward spiral with no end in sight. That continued until I decided to live differently. To fully engage in taking care of myself. That seems to be working.

I’ve made some new friends and haven’t lost the old.  Some relationships are different than they were, but not all different is bad. It’s just different. It’s how you handle different that truly counts.

Some of my observers question my path, but it’s my path.  I’ll probably make some mistakes, but they’ll be made while trying to move forward rather than standing still.  Still got me nowhere.

I don’t know when or where my journey will end. I do know that I’m happier today than I was yesterday and I’m looking forward to tomorrow. I couldn’t say that a year ago.  I was getting ready for a new shoulder and visits from my three kids.  That all went well and although I’ve had more bumps in my road, it’s starting to smooth out a bit.

There were three people in the room on the day we married: a justice of the peace, Ruth and me.  I’ve written before that I laughed, and she cried, throughout the ceremony.  We were both nervous, not knowing what to expect.  I think most newlyweds experience something similar.  You know what you want but you’re not sure how to get there.  You vow to travel together and most of us offer up the words “till death do us part”.

They’re just words until death comes knocking.  Some couples split for other reasons, and while Ruth and I could have, we chose not to.  We both knew that marriage is not for the weak of heart and we stayed the course. I’m happy we did and I’m sure she was too.  If there’s a heaven, we’ll hang out together again, but for now I just celebrate the fifty-one years and sixteen days we shared.  That’s all any of us can do.

Alan Jackson – Remember When (Live From The 60th Academy of Country Music Awards)