I’m making my debut as a Singles New Beginnings facilitator on Wednesday. One of our current facilitators, Daryl, is going to be absent so I’m going to take a shot. Barbara, the founder of the group, asked if I wanted to give it a go even though she’d be in the room. She’ll facilitate the first hour, and I’ll take Daryl’s spot during the second.
I think she wondered if I would be intimidated by her presence because when she listed the pros and cons of her being there, she saw it as a potential con. I saw it as an opportunity. I could benefit from her experience if I got stuck or wandered off target. Having her present would be like jumping in a pool with a lifeguard nearby. You never want to need a lifeguard but having one close at hand is not a bad thing.
My job is to facilitate the conversation that will take place. We’ll have about twenty eager participants. I’ll simply begin the discussion with a short reading, and things will progress from there. The individuals in the group are very good at letting their feelings known, so I’ve just got to get it started. I’ll ask participants clarifying questions when I’m unclear of the path they’ve taken.
I want to make sure that I don’t overstep my boundaries, so I looked up the definition of facilitators and leaders. In my professional life I served both roles. This is what I found.
A facilitator is someone who helps to bring about an outcome by providing indirect assistance, guidance, or supervision. A workshop’s facilitator keeps discussion flowing smoothly.
A leader’s function is to coordinate the efforts of a group. They must build relationships and connect people. Leadership is fundamentally a social process that depends on deep and extensive relationships that are actively built, sustained and leveraged.
Leading a discussion involves a more authoritative role where the leader drives the agenda and discussion, controlling the flow of information and decisions. In contrast, facilitating a meeting takes a collaborative approach, where the facilitator guides the discussion, creates a safe space of open dialogue and ensures that all voices are heard.
I think a leader has an end goal in sight. A facilitator is simply keeping the conversation going.
When my three children were growing up, we held most of our family discussions at the dinner table. Sometimes Ruth or I took a leadership role. We guided the discussion towards an end that we had in mind. Other times we facilitated the discussion. We simply wanted to know what the kids thought and how they arrived at their decisions.
I plan to take the dinner table approach to my facilitation. As I’ve taken part in past conversations, I’ve found the direct approach to be most effective. Don’t pussy foot. If you have something to say, say it. There’s no need to apologize for your point of view. You think what you think based upon your past experience. The older we get the more experience we have. That’s how life works.
The common denominator for the people in the group is friendship. We want more. Everyone that I’ve spoken with is alone. Some by choice and some by circumstance. We don’t want to be alone all the time so we’re seeking friendships with others with similar goals. Some are further along in the process than others. Some don’t know how to begin. They’re stuck where they’ve always been.
The thing I’ve learned through my own experience is you have to be open to change. Sometimes it’s uncomfortable. Nothing is simple. My goal as a facilitator is to help people make the changes that they’re seeking. To take the next step and be willing to ask for what you want. Asking for it increases your chances of getting it. The biggest ask is of yourself. You need permission to move forward.
The group discussions are working well for me, and I believe they can for others; but before you jump on an airplane, or make the drive to The Villages, wait until I land my own weekly gig. More importantly, remember these three requirements. You have to live in The Villages. You’ve got to be single. And you must be looking for a new beginning.
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Bob, you’ve got that! I look forward to Wednesday’s session, I know that I will learn something useful & interesting! I am coming with 4 or 5 friends, 3 are coming for the first time. Barbara is to be commended on such a clever way to help singles to find friends & possibly lovers!🥰🎈