Words of Affirmation

One of my David friends and I were talking about women this summer. He taught for me and eventually became my assistant principal when I worked in Addison.

His wife, Cindy, taught for several years with Ruth for the Adrian Public Schools. They were part of the “ladies aid” group that met for drinks on payday Fridays.

Cindy died of cancer about eighteen years ago. Ruth’s been gone for three.

About six years ago, Dave met Sue online and now they’re a couple. We spoke about how their relationship developed and the challenge of living in separate houses an hour apart. They’re both comfortable living that way. She lives in the city, so they spend much of the winter there and he lives on a lake so that’s where they hang in the summer.

While we were talking, he asked if I had heard of the five love languages. I hadn’t. That’s when he told me that Sue had him take an on-line quiz on the subject. He discovered that he demonstrates his affection towards her through acts of service and Sue expresses hers through gifts. Nothing expensive but he’s received dozens of cards showing her affection. He helps her around the house keeping things up to date and working properly. He told me that’s acts of service.

Later, I looked the five up.

Words of Affirmation involve expressing affection through spoken or written words. Compliments and encouraging messages are key components. For example, saying “You did a great job.” can make someone feel valued and loved.

Acts of Service expresses love that help or serve your partner. Doing chores, running errands, or preparing a meal are examples of acts of service that show care and support.

Receiving Gifts focuses on giving and receiving. It’s not about the monetary value but the sentiment involved.

Quality Time involves giving your undivided attention. Engaging in meaningful conversation, sharing activities, or simply spending time together are essential.

Physical Touch means hugs, kisses, holding hands and other forms of physical intimacy are important.

There are books and on-line quizzes that explain and support these concepts. You can also use AI or Google your way through an explanation. The main point is knowing and following through. That’s always the challenge.

Mine is definitely words of affirmation. I didn’t take a quiz. I just know. Every time I post a story, I’m looking for supporting words from others.  I welcome them all.  It helps inspire me to keep writing.

Ruth and I never discussed the subject, but I’m confident hers was quality time. We talked a lot during the time we shared.  Sometimes it was just idle banter but sharing time was key. She liked doing things rather than getting things. That’s the main reason we took Brady and Eva on trips. We enjoyed spending time with them. Their mom and dad provided all their personal needs, so we wanted a hunk of their time. We were fortunate to have the means and opportunity to do things with them.

I think love languages can be applied to how you love your family and friends as well as romantic partnerships like David and Sue.

Time is limited for each of us, so I think it’s best to use what we have wisely. Share yours willingly with those you love. If they prefer a different language, do your best to identify it and accommodate their needs. I don’t think it’s all that hard. You just have to give it a go.

If you’re in a romantic situation that probably requires a different strategy. I think it’s best to study up, take your best shot and hang on tight. And as the boys on Star Wars say, “May the force be with you.”