Another Second Chance

I originally wrote this tale in June of 2019. It was called Second Chances. I was about a year and a half into writing my blog when I published it. A ton has changed since that day. Life is full of surprises. Some are good. Some are tough to take.

A couple of times a year my Michigan poker group plays golf together. It’s really a perfect day for me because I get to do two things that I love – play golf and poker. Best of all I get to play with a bunch of guys I really care about. We played this week.

There are two Daves in the group – Bosio and Bammer. I met Bosio forty-two summers ago when I was hired in Addison. He was a fifth-grade teacher for me. I knew another Bosio from my time at Western. Dennis was a fraternity brother of mine. Dennis turned out to be Dave’s brother. Small world.

We play poker every two weeks. About four weeks ago Bosio left the game early. He said, “I’ve got a better offer.” We assumed his grandchildren were in town and he was going home to them.

Two weeks ago, he stayed for the entire time but dropped another hint to his changing lifestyle. He was going to Pittsburg and Cleveland to see a couple of Tiger games. He turned to me and said, “It’s been twelve years. I’m happy.”  He lost his wife, Cindy, to cancer twelve years ago. 

At this week’s game I just came out and asked, “Have you got a new woman in your life?” He does. Her name is Sue. When I pressed him, he offered up, “I met her online. She lives in Ann Arbor and is a retired teacher.” The guys and I are happy for him.

His revelation caused my “going on 102” year old friend, Ed, to offer up a tale of his own. He attended a grief support group when his wife passed. Ed met a woman, and they went out for dinner a couple of times. Their new friendship didn’t last long because she was inclined to order second meals on all you can eat nights at Red Lobster so she could take home the leftovers. She also ordered second rounds of bread baskets to stuff in her purse. She appeared to be more interested in eating than having a companion.

The second Dave in the group didn’t share any stories of his Marilyn. We all know her. She and Dave have been together since his divorce over thirty years ago. They’ve never married but have shared almost half a lifetime without living under the same roof or having formally “signed papers”. They’re proof that signing papers isn’t the key to a solid relationship.

I offered a story about my mother-in-law, Kathryn, who met a man in Florida about a year or so after my father-in-law passed. She bought a double-wide in a nice community in Largo. Widowers lived on either side of her.  I think it was a coincidence rather that a deliberate search on her part. 
Kathryn introduced our family to “Der” (short for Derwood) during one of our Florida visits. Der and I played golf at a local nine-hole course he frequented. He was a nice man who seemed smitten with “Kate”.

Kathryn became ill and passed within a couple of years. When Ruth and her two sisters went down to pack up their mom’s things, Der came over to return some of their mom’s personal belongings. He explained their mother didn’t have room for all of her clothes in her closet, so she stored them at Der’s house. He handed them a handful of hangers with a couple of outfits, a robe, and a nighty.  Good for Kate and Der.

On the drive home I thought of the other people in my life that had taken second chances. High school friends like Suzy and Mitch lost their spouses way too early and married others.

My college roommate, Jim, divorced and has been married longer the second time than the first.

My sister, Jackie, divorced when her two girls were young and never remarried. She has a friend, Ted, who helped her raise the girls without the tie of signed papers. Ted had been married before as well and has children of his own. They’ve lived separate lives but share a common bond.

A few Myrtle Beach couples divorced or lost their partners to illness. Some remarried, others remain single by their own choosing, and still others live together without signing papers.

My Grandpa Barner, his son, Harry, and my cousin Gene all lost their spouses. All three remarried, and while they all missed their first wife, Margaret, Phyllis and Sandy, they found new loves. Their remaining years were enriched because of their willingness to take a second chance.

Friday evening, I met up with my friend and former co-worker, Randy, and his third wife, Terrie. Terrie and Randy lived together for a time before getting married. They’ve reached the fifteen-year marriage mark, and I officially anointed her “the winner” of Randy’s marriage longevity sweepstakes. I expect they will remain as happy for the balance of their time as they are today.

And then there’s my mom. She married a drummer in a band, Scotty. They met and married in 1943. Although we never discussed it, I believe they met in a dance hall because she and her sister, Ruth, liked to dance. She probably thought marrying a musician sounded romantic.

They were married for the blink of an eye before he took off and left her. My grandfather helped her get the marriage annulled.

She had dated Tony before he shipped out to join the war in the Pacific in 1942. He returned in 1945, looked up Kate, and they married before the year’s end. Their marriage led to the birth of three kids, the arrival of six grandchildren, and four great-grandchildren. The twelve of us, our spouses, and Ted are truly grateful she took a second chance.

Even though he’ll be 108 next week, Ed still flirts with the ladies. Mitch mentioned in the original story is gone. My two Daves still have their second chances, Sue and Marilyn, but my first, Ruth, is gone too.

The past three years have been a roller coaster ride for me. I think the things you plan for are easiest to handle.  But you can’t plan everything, so you learn to adjust and do your best to keep moving forward.

I returned to Florida last year to have shoulder surgery. I’ve recovered nicely but during my recovery I learned a bit about myself. I wanted change in my life and realized that if that’s what I wanted, I’d have to step out of my comfort zone and try new things. Be the risk taker I encouraged others to be. Take some chances even if I failed. I needed to be willing to follow the advice of one of my friends. “Open your heart.”

The easy part was changing my diet and exercising more.  The challenge was meeting new people. I’d already joined a couple of singles groups in The Villages but those attempts to meet new people fell short of my goal. Such groups already had their internal clicks, and I found it difficult to wiggle my way in.  I met a few ladies online but nothing that I felt would be more than a cup of coffee.

I joined a third group in January and found a secondary singles group within.  There were several people like me looking for something new. Maybe not someone, but a chance to look at life with some new friends.

And like my David friends, grade school friends Mitch and Suzy, my college roommate Jim, cousin Gene, Uncle Harry, Grandpa Barner, sister Jackie, work friends Terrie and Randy, my mom, and perhaps you, I found my second chance. They’ll be no papers, but her name is Barbara.

TBC