UMRF

I took my Marriage Rules and AI’s advice, put them in a pot, shook them together and asked AI to summarize our joint observations.  When the words came out, I had the UMRF.  I think it’s pretty good.

                                                                               Unified Marriage Readiness Framework
1. Education & Personal Growth

• Complete your degree or chosen training before marriage.
• Establish independence and maturity through learning and self-development.
• Use this time to clarify your values and long-term goals.

2. Age and Maturity

• Aim to reach a stage of maturity (e.g., mid-20s) that allows for personal stability.
• Ensure you’ve had time to grow individually before committing to partnership.

3. Career & Financial Stability
• Work in your chosen profession for at least 15 months to test career fit.
• Build financial independence and savings before marriage.
• Be transparent with your partner about debt, spending habits, and financial goals.

4. Employability & Partnership in Work
• Both partners should have employable skills, whether through degrees or practical training.
• If both choose to work, ensure each has the ability to contribute.
• Support each other’s career paths with flexibility and respect.

5. Shared Core Values
• Align on beliefs about family, faith, lifestyle, and long-term goals.
• Discuss expectations around children, parenting, and family roles before marriage.

6. Communication & Kindness
• Practice healthy communication: listen without judgment, express needs clearly, resolve disagreements respectfully.
• Be nice to each other — kindness prevents selfishness and builds trust.
• Assume good intentions during conflict to reduce blame and strengthen resilience.

7. Commitment Beyond Love
• Recognize that love is essential but not sufficient.
• Commitment means choosing each other through challenges, uncertainty, and change.

8. Counseling & External Support
• Consider pre-marriage counseling or workshops to explore differences and strengthen bonds.
• Seek guidance when needed to prepare for lifelong partnership.

9. Flexibility & Growth
• Stay curious about each other as individuals.
• Adapt to life’s changes together, recognizing that marriage evolves over time.

                                                                                             Big Picture Takeaways

• TGO’s Rules: Practical, rule-based, focused on external milestones (education, age, career, employability). It’s prescriptive and structured.
• AI’s Guidelines: Relational, value-based, focused on internal dynamics (communication, trust, flexibility, counseling). It’s descriptive and adaptive.
• Overlap: Both stress kindness, responsibility, and preparation before marriage.
• Difference: One is more parental/advisory (rules to follow), the other is more couple-centered (guidelines for mutual growth).

So, there you have it.  I never dreamt that a simple conversation with four hormone popping college students would lead to this, but it has.  The Marriage Rules that I rattled off to slow down two young females with that “I want to get married” look in their eyes, led to this.

I didn’t know back them that someday I’d be writing a blog, because quite frankly, I didn’t know what a blog was.  AI may have begun but it was far from mainstream.  The internet, as we know if today, was relatively new.

The thing that’s not new is my love of my family.  Ruth and I had three children that we loved above all else, including each other.  Most of our decisions focused on the five of us.  As they left for college, they took a piece of each of us with them.    We talked about them every day.  That’s the thing about being a parent, it never goes away.  You never stop.

Our marriage had three phases…  pre-kids, with kids and post kids. The two of us were closest during the pre and post phases.  Focusing on the family took most of our energy and left little for just the two of us. We could have taken more time for just each other.  I could have told her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her, but I seldom did. If you don’t, you should.

Being married is a full-time deal.  You don’t take days off.  You commit to one another, weather the good times and bad, share tears of sorrow as well as laughter, and in our case, honor the till death do us part pledge.  That was the focus of our marriage rules.  They served us well.