Speed Dating

There was a gathering yesterday in the Mulberry area of The Villages. That’s the far north end.  It was a speed dating opportunity. I’ve been told that speed dating is basically a fast‑paced way for singles to meet a lot of new people in a short amount of time. You sit down with one person for just a few minutes, chat, get a feel for each other, and then a bell rings and you rotate to the next person. At the end, you tell the organizers who you’d like to talk to again, and if both people choose each other, they share your contact information.  Sounds like an easy peasy lemon squeezy way to meet people. It’s just not for me.

I’ve never been to such an event and don’t plan to go to one, although when I think about it, some of my life decisions have been made quickly. I was instantly drawn to a few women who caught my eye.  It’s been rare but it has happened.

I think of myself as a “take my time to get to know you guy”.  I’ve truly cared about four women over my seventy-eight plus years.  I’ve liked several others but that was it.  The four I care for were special.

I met my Birmingham girl during my senior year of high school.  We dated for a little over three years and were engaged for a time.  That didn’t work out for us, and I was heartbroken at first, but it turned out to be a good thing.  We were both just too young to make such a commitment. I’d venture to guess that she’s happy with how things developed over the last sixty years.  I know I am.

I met the second girl my junior year at Western Michigan University. She was a freshman at Kalamazoo’s Nazareth College.  We were together off and on until I married Ruth.  We were pinned for a while.  When a fraternity man, like me, gives his pin to a girl, it’s an old college tradition that meant you had something very serious — almost like a pre‑engagement.  I told my parents we were engaged to be engaged.

I was still dating her, but had my pin back, when I met Ruth.  I dated them both for a while.  It’s not my proudest moment but that’s how it was.  They knew about each other.  My time with the Nazareth girl diminished the longer I knew Ruth but didn’t disappear. In fact, I had my final date with her the week before Ruth and I eloped.  Ruth was engaged to a guy named Mike twenty-two hours before we got married so she was involved with another too. But if you’ve been reading my blog, you already know that.

Ruth and I enjoyed a friendship that spanned fifty-three years, and we were married for fifty-one years and sixteen days. Quite the journey. Together we raised three children and welcomed three grandchildren, celebrating each of their arrivals. We were truly lucky to have them in our lives. Through it all, we shared plenty of joy and sorrow as long as we had each other.

It will be a year on Thursday since I met my current VSO, Barbara. We didn’t start dating right away but I liked her from the start.  She liked me as well.  It took us a couple of months to develop a relationship, and it’s continued to grow.

I’m the fourth love in her life too.  She lost her third much like I lost mine.  I think that’s one of the ties that binds us.  We can relate to the paths that our lives have taken.  She’s a mother and a grandmother like I’m a father and a grandfather.  We never could have predicted where life would lead us, or that our paths would meet, but they did.  We’re lucky to have found one another.

I hope those who went to the speed‑dating event yesterday find someone special. The older we get, the less time we have to search, so every minute counts. That’s what I’m trying to do—make the most of the time I’ve got. We all should. Whatever path you take, make every moment matter.