Tribes

I have a few friends who refer to their closest companions as belonging to a tribe. It sounded odd the first time I heard it, but over time I’ve come to understand its meaning and significance.

According to Google, “Historically, tribes were the earliest form of organized human society. People lived, worked, hunted, celebrated, and protected one another within these groups.”

Today, “tribe” is used in a more personal sense. It’s a group of people who share values and a common purpose. You feel their support, so you stick around them. They’re the ones who truly “get” you. In that way, your tribe might be your family, close friends, spiritual community, or any circle where people feel connected and uplifted.

In The Villages, I have a few husband/wife friends, my memoir group, Singles New Beginnings friends, some golf buddies, and even fellow poker players. Each group serves a different purpose, but the people within share a common bond. We simply enjoy spending time together. Sometimes, if we speak up and pay attention, we learn from one another.

Growing your tribe isn’t just about meeting new people. It’s about strengthening the bonds of support, fostering a sense of belonging, and sharing a common purpose. That’s the driving force behind The Singles New Beginnings group that I’m trying to facilitate. I emphasize “trying” because if attendees don’t speak up, it’s just me lecturing to a bunch of people. That’s not what I want, and I don’t think they do either.

Some participants have become frustrated by the idea that the group is expanding, and because of the expansion, we’ve opened more groups. There were fewer than twenty when I joined a year ago. There would have been more than sixty last Wednesday. You can’t share at a meaningful level with a group that large, so we have three now, and some of the original tribe members are frustrated. They miss their friends that are in the other groups and have a bit of FOMO – Fear of Missing Out.

They’re afraid they may be missing something in the room next door, especially if they are hearing laughter. They wonder if “they’re having more fun over there”. And sometimes, like me, they become frustrated with the people they’re with when they don’t share their thoughts. I think you get more out of a conversation when you open yourself. Speak from your heart. I’ve done that since day one and that’s a big reason why I’m in a better place than I was a year ago.

My newfound friends have invited me into their tribe. I like it there. In the beginning, I was the only guy hanging out with a bunch of girls. Over time, more guys joined us and I had to learn to share all over again, but I’m happy I did.

I like the fact that the tribe is expanding. Yes, we’re going through some growing pains, which makes some days uncomfortable. I don’t like that part, but I understand that change is difficult. Some newbies are reluctant to open up, and some veterans don’t like that. I don’t either, but one of our guiding principles is “share at your comfort level”. They’re just not there yet.

I may read this blog at our next meeting. If I do, I’ll emphasize the following. It’s not something I’ve created, but I like it.

• People are drawn to those who show up authentically. Share your real stories, not just the polished ones, and let others see your values, humor, and quirks.
• Communities grow when you take a genuine interest in others. When people feel supported, they naturally want to engage. Embrace different perspectives and lean into relationships that feel mutual and uplifting.
• Be willing to go first—extend the invitation, start the conversation, share the first vulnerable truth. Going first creates safety and invites others in.
• Celebrate the small moments—a kind word, a shared laugh, a moment of recognition. These little threads weave people together.

One of the agreements of Singles New beginnings is: “Ask for what you want.  This increases your chances of getting it.”  The first time I read those words, they jumped out at me.  Shortly after Ruth died, I met with a therapist who asked me what I hoped to gain through therapy.  My reply was simple.  “I want to dump all my pain and leave it with you.”

Over time I’ve learned that talking, and writing, about my feelings helps me sort them out.  Holding them inside got me nowhere.

While I’m speaking with my group, I share my story including both my joys and sorrows. Sometimes I hear myself repeating the same message, week after week. I showed up on January 8th of 2025, hoping to expand my tribe. I’m doing that. And while I’m happier where I am, I still have room to grow. I’ll just keep plugging along for as long as I’m able.

If you want to join me, please do.