I wrote a story called Thank You Obadiah in March of 2023. I posted it about six months after Ruth’s passing. It began like this.
I have a Facebook friend, Obadiah, who posted this cartoon a few days ago. It’s a visual representation of how people handle problems. Two men, stuck in the same position, take two different paths. One sits and ponders his misfortune, while the other tries something new, working to improve his lot in life. It reminded me of me. Sometimes I’m a sitter and sometimes I’m a digger. I need to be a digger every day.
I was going to a therapist at the time and when I shared the cartoon with her, she referred me to An Autobiography in Five Chapters. Here it is.
An Autobiography in Five Chapters
by Portia Nelson
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I fall in… it’s a habit…but my eyes are open.
I know where I am. It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down a different street.
When I originally posted the story, I wrote:
I‘m living in Chapter Three today. I’m not sure how or when I arrived, but I recognize my predicament. If it’s going to change, I have to change it. Doing the same thing day after day isn’t working for me. If I want to walk around the hole, or take a different street, I have to keep digging like the man in Obadiah’s Facebook cartoon.
Should you find yourself stuck somewhere in life, I suggest you ponder the cartoon or the poem. Perhaps they’ll speak to you too.
In February of 2025 I updated the original story, reposted as Obadiah 2.0, and wrote this.
I placed the story in my book, Pondering Life’s Lessons. It’s Chapter 56. I met recently with a group of new friends and one who had read the book asked me to share The Autobiography with the others who were present. I couldn’t recall everything but did my best to explain its message. I think the requester saw it as a “teachable moment”. When I got home, I looked up my story to refresh myself with the five chapters. I’m happy I did.
I’m moving on. I’m exiting Chapter Four, and I can see Chapter Five straight ahead. I’m not there yet, but I can see a different street.
As for Obadiah’s hole, I’ve made it to the top. I’m sitting on the edge with my feet dangling below. All I have to do is pull them out. I’m ready.
I’m another year and a half into my journey as I write this third story. I’m in a good place. I still carry my grief, but I’ve learned to live with it. The “group of new friends” that I referenced in my second post, is my Singles New Beginnings group. When I’m in Florida, I meet with them every Wednesday. This summer, I’ve been meeting with a second group every Monday. I get a double dose of New Beginnings every week. You can’t get too much of a good thing.
Each group has its own vibe, but they share a common goal. They’re made up of single people looking to build new friendships. We understand that singles think and process differently than married folks. It’s not about one being better or worse. They’re just different.
Each of us is sitting in a hole like the men in the cartoon or walking down that street with a hole in the sidewalk. Given a choice, we wouldn’t be here, but we weren’t so we are. Some have found the hole to be comfortable. While I don’t understand staying put, I honor their choice to do so. Each of us needs to be true to ourselves and find our own path or make ourselves as comfortable as possible in the hole we’re living in.
As for me, I’m out of my hole and I’m walking down a different street. I do look back from time to time, but I’m committed to moving forward. I’m very sure that the people I’ve left behind are rooting for me. So much so, that every once in a while, I feel a slight nudge forward. It’s like the people I’ve lost are urging me on. It feels good.
TBC