Did You Get Any Lip?

Several months ago, I spent the evening with four women and one guy.  The women all live in The Villages and the guy was visiting his sister. We met to have a “game night”.  If you’ve never been, it’s simply an opportunity to play cards or some sort of board game.

On this night we never got around to playing a game.  We simply talked and most of the conversation centered on the women. The other man, John and I, did a lot of listening, and I must admit, I couldn’t believe my ears. The women spoke about a variety of things, including what they preferred in a dating relationship.  I’ve never heard such frankness. They left little to the imagination.

I’ve flashed back to that conversation several times. The only time I recall having such a discussion with a group of guys was in college. Back then girls had to be in their dorm by eleven during the week and one a.m. on Friday and Saturday. Guys didn’t have hours, so we stayed out as long as we wanted.

Sometimes we’d go get breakfast in an all-night restaurant but most of the time we just went back to the dorm. Once we got back, the guys I hung out with had one question for the guys who had dates that night.

“Did you get any lip?”

We wanted to know if they’d gotten a kiss goodnight. There was little, or no, talk about anything more than that. We didn’t discuss anything beyond those five words. I’m not sure if we were being chivalrous, or just naive, but in any case, that’s how it was.

I had lunch with three couples and a single woman while waiting at the Buffalo airport last August, as we were leaving after a week in Chautauqua. We’d had a few conversations during the week, but nothing as candid as our talk in the airport. We came from Florida, New York, California, and, if I remember correctly, St. Louis. It didn’t matter where we were from—the women spoke openly about what they wanted out of life. It reminded me of the game night conversation I’d had a few months earlier.

Over the past sixty years, dating has gone from a quiet, almost whispered ritual to something far more open, direct, and at times astonishingly candid. In the 1960s, most of us were still operating under a set of unwritten rules. Women had curfews, men didn’t, and the big question among guys after a date was simply, “Did you get any lip?” That was the whole conversation. Five words. No follow‑ups. No details. We weren’t exactly worldly, but we thought we were doing just fine.

Fast‑forward to today and the entire landscape has flipped. People talk openly about what they want, what they don’t want, and what they expect from a relationship. The women I met on that game‑night evening didn’t hesitate to share their preferences, boundaries, and deal‑breakers with a level of honesty that would have sent my college buddies running for the nearest exit.  I don’t think they were being unusual.  They were simply being open and honest. Dating today rewards clarity, confidence, and communication, especially for people who are starting fresh later in life.

The biggest change, though, might be the purpose behind dating itself. Sixty years ago, dating was a straight line pointing toward marriage. Today, it’s about companionship, connection, and enjoying the time you have. People aren’t shy about saying what they’re looking for, and they’re even less shy about saying what they’re not. In a way, it’s refreshing. The rules are gone, the curfews are gone, and the conversations, even if they’re not what I’m used to, are a whole lot more interesting than “Did you get any lip?”