Today marks my one-year anniversary of leading a Singles New Beginnings group. On November 5th last year, Barbara and I each began leading separate groups. As the year progressed and many of our snowbird participants returned north, the groups eventually merged into one. Now, as another season begins and familiar faces return, there’s a good chance we will once again need two groups.
That feels like an appropriate anniversary reflection because New Beginnings has always been about growth, change, and the constant arrival of people looking for a fresh start.
A year ago, I was handed the opportunity to lead a Singles New Beginnings group. Looking back, I’m not sure who changed more, the participants or me. I discovered what I believed on my first day is still true today. While our stories may be different, our journeys are similar. We’ve all faced disappointments, setbacks, and unexpected turns. We’ve all searched for a way forward. And together, we remind one another that new beginnings are not only possible, they’re happening every day.
Last week I shared a story with the group I had written called Obadiah 3.0. It tells part of my journey since losing Ruth. It includes a metaphor about two men who fall into similar life-altering holes. Although their circumstances may be different, their struggles and eventual growth reveal a simple truth. Many of us walk the same road, even when the details look different.
People come to a New Beginnings group for many reasons. Some are navigating divorce. Others are grieving the loss of a spouse. Some are adjusting to retirement, facing health challenges, recovering from a broken relationship, or simply trying to understand a season of life that unfolded differently than expected. We may not always describe our situation as being “in a hole,” but the metaphor often fits.
If we listen closely to one another’s stories, we discover that most of us share common experiences. The circumstances vary, but the emotional journey is often much the same.
Portia Nelson captured this in her famous poem Autobiography in Five Short Chapters. In the first chapter, she walks down a street, falls into a hole, and struggles to get out. In the chapters that follow, she gradually becomes aware of the pattern. The hole remains, but her understanding grows. Eventually she recognizes her role in repeatedly falling into the same place and begins making different choices.
The final chapter contains a single sentence:
“I walk down another street.”
It’s a simple sentence about personal growth that we all need to remember. When dealing with life altering change, taking a different street is a path forward.
When I look back on my first year of leading New Beginnings, I realize that much of what we discuss can be summarized by three simple words: Experience. Strength. Hope.
Every meaningful story contains all three. Experience tells us where we’ve been. Strength tells us how we survived. Hope tells us where we’re going.
The first step in any new beginning is acknowledging our experience. It’s not about dwelling on the past or becoming trapped by regret. It’s about telling the truth. We recognize the losses we have endured, the disappointments we have faced, the mistakes we have made, and the circumstances that have shaped our lives. Honest reflection allows us to see where we have been and how we arrived where we are today.
The second step is discovering strength.
Many participants initially focus on what they have lost, only to discover they have overlooked what they still possess. They may not recognize their resilience, perseverance, courage, and determination. Yet the very fact that they walked into the room is evidence of strength. Like the traveler in Portia Nelson’s poem, they begin noticing the hole before they fall into it. They become more aware, more intentional, and more confident in their ability to choose a different path.
The third step is hope. Hope is not pretending everything is perfect. Hope is not wishful thinking. Hope is the belief that another street exists. Hope is trusting that the future does not have to look exactly like the past. Hope grows when we realize that our story is still being written.
Over the past year, I have witnessed all three elements repeatedly. I have watched participants share painful experiences they once thought they could never discuss. I have seen individuals recognize strengths they didn’t know they had. And I have seen hope slowly return to people who arrived convinced that their best days were behind them.
That may be the greatest lesson of all. We are not defined by where we have fallen. We are strengthened by how we rise. And we are inspired by the hope that there’s always another street waiting for us to walk down.
As I celebrate one year of leading Singles New Beginnings, I’m grateful for every story shared, every lesson learned, and every new friendship formed along the way. The journey continues, and with the return of familiar faces and the arrival of new ones, another year of Experience, Strength, and Hope is about to begin.
Congratulations! I hope your next year is as rewarding for you and your participants as last year!
And a big thank you, to both you and Barbara, for making this important class so meaningful and useful to each of us!
Bravo Bob,
I believe all of your posts have led to this.
Doris