LindsAy

My daughter-in-law, LindsAy spent the last few days with me.  I emphasize the A because that’s one of the first things she said to me when I met her over twenty-five years ago.  It’s LindsAy with an A.

Ruth and I met her at Clark Lake’s Beach Bar.  She was a fellow server with Elizabeth.   After she took our order, I recall telling Ruth that she had “the look” David would like. I met several girls he’d dated, so I knew what attracted him.  Of my three kids, he was the easiest to predict. They had to be cute, well built, out-going personality, with a big smile.  Blondes were a bonus.  She had it all.

He was living in the first home he bought with Ruth and me at Lake Columbia. He lived there and helped us make several modifications with an eye on flipping it. He and his brother and sister had helped us before, so he knew about sweat equity.

It was a tri-level, and our first project was to replace the steps leading up and down.  The original ones looked, and felt, like they’d been installed by a five-year-old with a set of tinker toys. One step was eight inches high, the next four, then ten, back to six, etc.  After that we replaced all the windows, added a new roof, roof vents, gutted the kitchen and bathrooms, new flooring in the kitchen, replaced several light fixtures, built a new rear deck, installed a dog kennel for his dog, Nikita, and repainted everything inside and out.

Not long into the project we discovered a drainage problem.  The house had a wooden walled basement and one corner leaked.  Daivd and I dug a trench so we could waterproof the siding with a tar-based product, install pea stone, and increase the grade away from the house.  One day, when we were digging the trench, Lindsay showed up.  They’d been out the night before.

As she got out of her car, and walked towards us, he told me who she was.  His private words to me included, “She’s got a six-pack.”  I had a beer belly, so I knew a six-pack was good.

They dated for about three years before deciding to get married. He proposed to her on Valentines Day in 2004 and they married in August.  David was coaching basketball for Columbia Central, and after the game, his team came out of the locker room with a banner that read, “Will you marry our coach?”

Ruth, Michael, and I were sitting in the stands with Lindsay while the events took place.  David had already asked Lindsay’s dad if he could marry his daughter, so Lindsay’s parents were at the game as well. Everyone witnessed the event. Her hands shook as she said, “yes” and David slipped on the ring.  The basketball fans went wild with applause.  I remember that day like yesterday.

I’ve written before about the toast I made at their rehearsal dinner.  We gathered at the Beach Bar where Ruth and I first met Lindsay.

“I have the reputation of being something of a hard ass.  The truth is, I’m more like an M and M candy on a hot July day.  Thin, hard, outer shell and mush on the inside.”

I cried before I started speaking and did so throughout my entire toast.  I did my best to control my emotions but my oldest child, first born son, was getting married, and I just lost it.  I had warned Ruth ahead of time to, “Just let me go on my own.  I know I’m going to cry, but I want to get through this without your support.”  She had a habit of trying to draw attention to herself by offering up some funny quip which allowed me time to gather myself.  I wanted to fly solo even if that meant sobbing while I did it.

As our kids were growing up, Ruth often spoke to them about the choices we make in life, and how each of them impacts us.  Some are good and some are bad.  I went on to speak about the choices that we all face.  I explained that my most important choice was marrying Ruth because that choice led to the birth of our three children.   

When I decided to explore on-line dating sites, I saw lots of pictures of potential partners with dogs or holding a glass of wine.  I knew nothing of either and shared that with Lindsay.  I wasn’t really concerned about the pet connections but thought I should learn something about wine.  Lindsay became my personal sommelier.  She doesn’t know everything, but she helps me figure things out.   She spent the last couple of days with me before heading to a conference in Orlando today.  We shopped for wine a couple days ago.  Like always, we drank most of it ourselves.

We talk about family, friends, and life. She’s had her share of ups and downs including two bouts of cancer while still in her twenties and the loss of both of her parents.  During their time together, Lindsay and Ruth grew close, so Ruth’s loss has been a challenge as well.  Lindsay’s a part a of the choice crowd.  You choose your own path and keep moving forward as best you can.  Every day’s not easy, but quitting’s not an option.

Some people see life as a series of obstacles to navigate, but that’s not Lindsay’s way. She sees it as a series of choices. Sometimes we dodge and weave, but most of the time we decide and accept the consequences. If a choice doesn’t go as planned, we step back and try again. That’s what I love most about her. She’s not a whiner or a quitter. She marches to her own drummer and has set that example for Brady and Eva.

Like all of us, she sometimes needs help, but she’s wise enough to recognize those moments and accept it. She knows we only get one shot at life, so we should give it our all. She’s not perfect, but she’s perfect for my oldest son, and I’m grateful he was wise enough to see it too.